Thursday, 31 March 2011

Asian Fetish - Unhealthy Personality Traits

Delving into the minds of Asian fetishers and their unhealthy interracial relationships
An article entitled 'Deconstructing Asian Fetish,' pulls together some of the ideas I have discussed before...but from a Personality Psychology perspective. Their website does not allow comments, so it is pasted below for discussion.

Asiaphiles, both male and female (i.e although its predominately White men with an Asian fetish that date or marry or befriend oriental women) are typically characterised by one or more of the following personality traits

Sensitive nature or fragile ego
In East Asian/Southeast Asian cultures, people are less likely to criticize others openly. This cultural trait of masking potential disagreements makes sensitive people feel more at ease. One of my Asian sources mentioned meeting a black professional who could not handle anyone disagreeing with him or suggesting something contrary to what he wants even in an amicable, constructive way. This ultra-sensitive man happened to be married to a Korean woman.

A common expression of the 'ego-in-need-of-boosting' is the kindly condescending non-Asian (usually white) person who tries to attach himself to Asian immigrant circles so he could take on a 'teaching role' and show them the 'American way'. In some cases, these people give helpful practical advice to new immigrants, but it should also be noted that more often than not, they come to teach and not to learn. They have little or no interest in learning about the immigrant culture beyond superficial things like food and celebrations. The underlying assumption is that while they have something valuable to teach the immigrants, the immigrants have nothing as valuable to teach them. Their 'helpfulness' is ultimately self-serving. They need to place themselves in the position of 'expert' and 'guide' to shore up their fragile egos, they use East Asian/Southeast Asian immigrants as tools to serve this purpose.

Know-it-all attitude
"Know-it-all" behavior, which maybe an expression of the "fragile ego", also occurs quite often among non-Asians who gravitate towards Asian friends. I have observed among non-Asians who date/befriend Asians at least five instances of the kind of person who always acts like s/he is an expert on every topic s/he is talking about and rarely, if ever, admits ignorance. In the worst case, the individual is ignorant and arrogant; he tries to put down everyone who happens to know more than him on any random topic. He is an insecure middle-age white man who happens to have married a Thai woman. Most Americans would have called him on his crap, but he has cleverly sought the company of people from a very forgiving culture.

In another case, the 'know-it-all' white boy was somewhat less obnoxious, but he had to pass himself off as knowledgeable about every conversation topic, framing phrases in big words and complex phraseology, he got away with this highfalutin by surrounding himself with Asian immigrants whose command of English was below his. He happened to be dating a Chinese woman who was competent in English but not to the point where she could meet him on his level of discussion. She put up with his bad behavior and clung on to him even though she was upset he openly cheated on her on an ongoing basis because she was dazzled by his 'knowledge' and 'scholarly demeanor'.

Friends who are highly literate in Chinese have told me that a regrettable aspect of their culture is that people emphasize academic success to the point that they sometimes value brains over character. The Imperial-era satire titled "The Scholars" (available in English translation) provides a glimpse into a centuries-old values system that has men rushing to marry their daughters to cruel, cowardly, selfish young men just because the potential son-in-law aced the Imperial Examination.

Verbally competitive, always has to win the argument
Some East Asian/Southeast Asian cultures emphasize conflict avoidance.  I know of a few rather verbally combative women who happened to marry/date East Asian men. But just because the examples given here happen to be women does not mean that the verbally competitive, "I'm always right" type of person is always female.

In the examples I came across, when the non-Asian women start an argument, the East Asian men often take the initiative to apologize to the women before things really get 'out of hand'. This does not mean that the men really think they are wrong. For the East Asian men, who is 'right' in a disagreement is less important than harmony in a relationship. So they back off. (The Chinese have a saying, "take a step back and the sea will become wide and the sky will become empty.") For one of the women, such exchanges with her boyfriend were more of a cultural misunderstanding.

In another case, the woman was cynical and liked cutting others to shreds. Her basic approach boils down to "if you don't think like me, you're a bad person and you should change." She had a tendency to largely limit herself to people of the same gender when it comes to telling people off. Perhaps her spouse's East Asian trait of preferring 'tolerance' over 'truth' in conflict situations is what preserved her marriage so far. The New Scientist article Westerners and Easterners see the world differently provides some insight into this cultural difference.

Don't you wonder which of these personality traits Asiaphile Tory MP Jeremy Hunt has?

Uncommon selfishness
The "selfish type" is based on the idea that she will do all the housework and he would not have to do a thing. A Thai woman told me about how her black male friend wanted to date her because he had seen his brother's Korean wife take care of *everything* (he emphasized *everything*) around the house without troubling his brother. Now why would a man want a wife who does *everything* around the house unless he is a lazy, selfish person who wants to do *nothing* at home?

These non-Asians-who-love-Asian-culture-and-people may have spent years dabbling in Eastern religions, typically utilizing Buddhist meditation to get the physiological "feel good" benefits. Yet they picked up none of the Buddhist values of understanding, tolerance, compassion and consideration for others. They remain very selfish and unable to see beyond their own interests. Indeed, their whole interest in Eastern religions (and people) is all about "me, me, me", e.g. using meditation to feel good about themselves instead of actually transcending the self.

Even more extreme is the individual who thinks the whole world should keep him happy. One example is a white boy who rips his company off and neglects his work. His lack of integrity also extends to his personal life - he takes things from friends without returning them. When people point out his specific acts of dishonesty and irresponsibility, the white boy turns around and call his accusers 'evil' and 'cruel' for 'persecuting' him, i.e. for holding him accountable, instead of admitting the damage and harm he caused to others.  Often, such individuals do not fare well with many East Asians, as East Asian cultures highly prize reciprocity in personal relations, i.e., "if you take, you better darn well be ready to give back".

On the topic of tolerating 'non-crucial' flaws in others, I had an interesting discussion with a Japanese friend who could not understand why many Westerners are so quick to cut ties with people who have negative traits. For example, a few women I knew got angry with their families of origin for making racist comments about their birth children from a mixed marriage or their adopted children. They cut off contact with their families rather than put their children in a hostile environment. Another woman told a long-time friend who insulted her parents to never call her again. The Japanese woman could not understand why these people made such 'radical breaks' with their families and associates. Part of this difference in attitude can probably be attributed to a difference in East Asian vs Western views on social interdependence. The BBC article Different view for East and West describes this idea much better than I can.

Tendency to externalize problems
Another recurring trait among some folks who are drawn to East/Southeast Asians is a tendency to blame others for their problems. Very often, these people are social misfits in some way. They blame Western society for not accepting them and they have an escapist fantasy about finding acceptance in Eastern cultures. There are usually two components to their misfit status. One is society's unforgiving attitude towards certain neutral traits a person might have, e.g. American culture tends to devalue quiet, shy types with intellectual interests. The other component is the person's own bad character and poor behavior. Typically a white boy who possesses the character flaws mentioned in the previous sections blames white America for 'rejecting' him, but he never really asks himself if it is because of any bad behavior on his part. He claims he likes Asian people better, presumably because they 'accept' him. But do they really? It is easy for him to fantasize about an idealized East where he is accepted and honored.

Article in full: http://www.colorq.org/articles/article.aspx?d=2005&x=deconstruct

42 comments:

  1. You realise not every non-Asian person that dates an Asian person isn't an 'Asiaphile' or 'Asian fetishist'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jeremy Hunt is definitely one, he spent 2 years teaching English in Japan, his wife is a mainlander.

    This is a concise version, the full article..."'real' Asian fetishists - seek out individuals with specific physical attributes primarily because they link these physical attributes with certain cultural traits." Although, it also implies that those who are not real asian fetishers, largely still belong in the same camp. Terminology is unimportant, its whether they show these personality traits.

    ReplyDelete
  3. East asian women play up to the me love you long time nonsense and whitey plays her like a fiddle - masochistic match made in heaven . whats new? our race is doomed unless we stop worshipping whitey

    ReplyDelete
  4. I will say asian fetish becomes 'fair' once more white women start dating Chinese men. The problem here is whether there is enough attraction to. ( from either party)
    But mainly its media discrimination by white imperialist media that encourages the imbalance ( by attempting to desexualise the Asian male and hypersexualise the female). Most hapas have white male fathers, so in that respect shows the win for western imperialism. Like i said when its reversed, etc etc.

    Anyway Its western racism / on a massive scale but most people cant seem to see it and if they do, don't really care, because its accepted as 'the norm'

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have noticed that men who have E.Asian fetish will think Shin Bong Sun is as pretty as Kim Tae Hee! FACT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Damn, i'm Chinese and all my friends have Asian Fetishes, Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yikes.

    I've encountered many of these creepy types.

    The Ladies on here will know, we have all met them. These losers are mostly perverts, next time look at their right palms and check out those huge callouses.

    I work in IT and have caught and investigated 3 of these clowns surfing hardcore 'asian porn' on company property. One by one they were fly-kicked out with their p45s.

    Prior to them being caught with their pants down they had all been sliming over myself and other young Chinese ladies within the company, trying to patronise/impress us with their knowldege/understanding of Chinese and East Asian culture. Unfortunately some of these ladies fell for it.. eeewwww

    They won't learn though. Bring on the next one, I'm waiting for ya little grubby w@nker...

    ReplyDelete
  8. the chinese girls wont learn either, if chinese girls werent so naive and clueless...then these white guys wouldnt be able to succeed in getting what they want from them. the bottomline is that some of these asian girls are just as bad as the white guys but are not so open about it, but discreet.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Moral of this story of BBC males: Try not to have a daughter in a non-East Asian country unless u dnt mind her becoming essentially a pervert's sex toy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anyone interested in this should read this essay by Courtney B: "Let us deconstruct your colonialist patriarchal gaze:" Big Bad Chinese Mama and Mail Order Bride Websites

    http://www.bigbadchinesemama.com/press/courtney.html

    It's so true, sad and sometimes funny.

    I've been noticing this asian fetish thing even more now over the last 10 years. Just the other day going around London I counted 5-6 asian female/white male couples in one day. I think thats alot (I wasn't in Chinatown either). I also noted any other obvious mixed race couples - black male/white female etc, really wasn't more than 2.

    I also have noticed, to my absolute disgust, whenever theres an asian.f/white.m couple near me, walking past me, or within looking distance, the white man always (and I mean ALWAYS) checks me out (I'm an asian.f), as if comparing me to her. I find that so repellent, so completely disgusting!!!!!!! And RACIST! Why? Because he's looking at me as just a race/colour, and nothing more!

    I've tried to figure this out and it seems to be akin with the male attraction to stereotypical blondes. Certain sexual, emotional, personality attributes are put on blonde females (fake or not), behaviour learnt from films and other media that has become part of our culture over the last century. And I can only see the same thing happening here with Asian females, but with the added dimension of race and culture. Where the blondes have become empowered liberated females, Asian women are looked upon as what white women were in the 1950s: submissive, obedient, ‘sit and look pretty’ housewives. Is it no wonder that in many of these relationships, it’s the man (usually much older than the woman) that is looking for an ‘old fashioned’ relationship, for a traditional (idealistic/fantasy 1950s) marriage= man works, woman stays at home with kids. You have to understand though, that all these ideas are just stereotyped ideals about Asian women and white western men. The reality I think is something else, but people play up to these ideals for their own gain and advantage on both sides. No relationship can really have real meaning, value, and be truly a relationship of respect, if they are based on such shallow ideas. It becomes merely convenient. The novelty soon wears off.

    In this world of post-feminism, women working and earning money, as well as bringing up the kids, men (I have heard them complain) don’t know what role they play anymore. So, it figures that the stereotyped Asian woman is a way to re-affirm white men’s masculinity, sexual, racial, and economic dominance again. To me, this is just another kind of racism. If you take it to it’s extreme its also completely chauvinistic, and sexist. The men get to feel like they’re 'real men' again because that’s the only way they know how to: to subjugate women. It’s pathetic. That goes for all men aswell, not just the white fools.

    ReplyDelete
  11. well, that article was mostly about the white men who seek asian females who are FOB'S from or in the far east rather than the western born and raised Asian females, although due to stereotyping, they tend to treat them the same as a housewife type.

    The normal white guys in the west who marry British Born Chinese females tend to the seemingly soft geeky nerdy types of white males, not really the ladies pullers. I think from my own experience the BBC females who married white men whilst not having great careers also want to conform to this ideal of being a tai-tai and not having to work, these types of chinese women tend to be quite aggressive moody bitchy types because they were raised in the west, the white guy is actually the softie, a lot of the white guys in England seem to be Irish men for some reason, not really sure what that says, maybe they are also outcasts in the eyes of the English too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @anon 27 September 2011 21:00

    interesting and indepth female perspective. id probably agree with you in that a white man checks out other chinese woman as a form of racism/ fetishism like you say the blonde stereotype. But as someone else says above, the IR pairing has been set up as a two way fetish.

    You sound like you are a more aware-than most asian female, from america(?), would be nice if there were more interested observers like yourself in the UK. But i think in the UK theres a lot more awareness work to be done, and white media dominance too solid and inflexible to change yet.

    Please sign up for a google ID. If you are currently living in London, be good to hear more of your regular opinions on here

    ReplyDelete
  13. All races dont deserve to date asian chicks, they're too racist towards us, end of!

    ReplyDelete
  14. This article comes really close to the stereotype of being butt hurt when your own kind marries somebody different, "that scum bag foreigner stealing all our women, those poor girls couldn't help but be seduced by the perverted bastard ect."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, wrong! The article was written by a non-Asian western person examining Asian Fetish yellow fever types of their own race. Its pretty obvious who is butt hurt here? Its you! The non-Asian/White Asiaphile! You have been exposed for what you are. Even your own race can see right through your unhealthy mindset and motives.

      Delete
    2. "white" Asiaphile?

      sounds racist to me...

      Delete
  15. The problem is that many chinese women are apolitical, navie and only interested in materialistic possessions. Actually most asian women are shallow and boring to talk to.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'd like to throw my two cents into the mix. As a white male, who has dated an asian female in the past, I was very regularly teased by friends for having an asian fetish. Even though she was just someone who was introduced to me by a friend at university and we hit it off due to our similar taste in music, film, etc (we'd both played the piano since childhood.) I recall one time that we went to a hibachi steakhouse and I kept getting dirty looks from several of the asian staff members all evening. It's as if this whole thing has gotten to the point where white males with asian females triggers intense resentment from people.

    I do understand that often times w.male/a.female relationships are probably unhealthy at their foundation. I have noticed very creepy looking guys who are not in shape, not very attractive, with younger beautiful asian women who (based on their accent) don't have a very strong command of english. Such relationships are what perpetuate the idea that all pairings of white males and asian females must be a result of some sort of unhealthy fetishization in which the guy exclusively targets asian females because of assumed personality traits, etc...this has all been explained by many other posts.

    Speaking for myself here (and hopefully a lot of other white males who have dated asian females) this is honestly how I feel about it. There's nothing wrong with preferring to date girls that have particular physical attributes as long as that's really as far as it goes racially, you have to be honest with yourself. I've dated girls of several different ethnic bacgrounds (white, black, hispanic, asian.) What I've always tried to keep in mind is that you can find almost any personality type in any ethnic group. All of them were very compatible with me as far as interests, values, taste in art/music/film, etc. But I was definitely most physically attracted to the girl I dated that was asian. Even as I type that I can sense a lot of you judging me and dismissing me as another creepy asian fetishist. But I'm not...in fact, I'm very turned off by the stereotypical idea of a hypersubmissive asian girl who clings and depends on me.

    All I'm really trying to say is that while there are definitely a lot of creeps in the world...please don't assume a white male with an asian female is not a genuinely healthy relationship just on first glance. Please don't immediately regard all white guys with asian girls as disgusting perverts. It makes people like me feel guilty for simply naturally being attracted to certain physical traits and seeking out compatible partners that have said traits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only reason for you commenting on just this one article was to relieve the 'guilt', right?

      .. so much for your music/piano playing since childhood BS intro, unfortunately your last sentence' being attracted to certain physical traits?' has betrayed you! Guilty as CHARGED, you asian-fetish FREAK!

      Delete
    2. Love the way you self-entitled whites come on here and quietly assert in the guise of apology. Once upon a time thanks to the clueless FOBS and apologists ethnic Chinese wouldnt blink an eye as you laughed in our ethnic Chinese male faces taking our women.

      Dont like it when ethnic Chinese males speak out do you? Because we have been made invisble by your sinophobic imperialist-cunt media youd never dream that your poor white privilege may get rumbled by a group of outspoken proud ethnic Chinese. Cake and it eat it too? You can fucking Pok Kai you lecherous gwei monkey boy .

      Delete
    3. happybritishchinese, you racist piece of shit.

      Delete
  17. It only triggers resentment from Asians so why do you care? Western society overwhelmingly supports Asian female/white male couples, you only need to turn on the TV or watch a movie to see that. There are plenty of Asian male/white female couples in Western countries now as well but why is that hardly ever portrayed in media compared to Asian females and white males?

    ReplyDelete
  18. None of us would even be here to argue if it wasn't for us perverted men. It's called a sex drive but sadly, some
    boys just didn't develop fully into men and didn't learn to harness their power.

    I love my girl and she knows it, both of us don't give a damn about what other people think about us.

    She is super intelligent and hot as hell! she's attracted to me and I'm attracted to her. 彼女は日本人です。僕は白いです。

    We both enjoy an amazing sex life and treat each other with the respect we both deserve.

    We can both communicate on the same level as each other.

    This kind of relationship is actually very common between Asian 女 and white 男

    Problem is pussy ass boys can't get their way with strong, opinionated western women so they look for other targets.

    Sadly this won't change as long as boys aren't shown how to be real
    men.

    So stop judging other people and worry about your own relationships! then when you have your own children you can make sure they don't turn out this way and become decent members of society and fucking awesome boyfriends/girlfriends!

    Peace and love

    愛と風

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My daughter whom I have prayed for all my life to have a kind, intelligent, spiritual, perceptive, supportive husband someday; is now in a relationship with just that kind of East Asian young man. He is a devoted Christian, accomplished academically, very hard working, and all the above I've listed. None of the white,black, or brown boys and men she has went to school, work, and associated with that might have romanced her have even been close to this. I am an old white man raised in rural poverty and ignorance that has had to work extremely hard to raise his awareness and spirituality. This guy is God's answer to my prayers and wants to marry my precious daughter. He has my blessing.

      Delete
  19. haven't read such a subjective and oversimplifying article in a long time. It seems to me that the author brings in a lot of personal emotions with this topic. He/She should first work on his own issues before judging other people

    ReplyDelete
  20. Asian fetish is definitely disgusting >:(

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am an Asian, I've met some white men and black men who had asian fetish. They think their cock are too big for Asian women, they see Asian female as merely sex object.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm a white guy who has had a strong asian fetish in the past. That was a big mistake and I encourage everyone not to make my mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  23. You can avail the escort services in Dubai at anytime and will feel comfortable after meeting our beautiful escort ladies for sure.
    <a href="http://verytimetravelwombat.tumblr.com/post/152287367634/dubai-attractions-places-to-visit</a>
    whatsapp call at /+971-564-314-254

    ReplyDelete
  24. The greater part of the escorts are simply time pass and do sex only for cash Escorts in Dubai. They do sex and leave and don't mind the sentiments of the clients. Also, the clients fondle not the stamp with that sort of escorts Escorts in Dubai. They require the escorts to be energetic.

    ReplyDelete
  25. If you guys are in Dubai and want more fun then the right place is waiting for you, dubai escorts and
    and the staff will convert your dreams into reality dubai escorts.
    whatsapp/call : +971-564-314-254

    ReplyDelete
  26. There are a lot of Services in Dubai but if you want to convert your dreams into reality girls in Dubai, then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  27. There are a lot of Services in Dubai but if you want to convert your dreams into reality call girls in dubai. then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    call girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  28. There are a lot of Services in Dubai but if you want to convert your dreams into reality girls in Dubai, then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  29. There are a lot of Services in Dubai but if you want to convert your dreams into reality call girls in dubai. then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    call girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  30. There are a lot of Services in Dubai but if you want to convert your dreams into reality Escorts in Dubai. then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971-564-314-254
    Escorts in Dubai
    http://www.dubaigeeks.com/

    ReplyDelete
  31. Enjoy with the beautiful models of India, Pakistan, Russian etc, convert your dreams into reality girls in Dubai, then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  32. Enjoy with the beautiful models of India, Pakistan, Russian etc, convert your dreams into reality call girls in dubai. then its is the best spot you can visit.
    Whatsapp/Call: +971 56 147 2203
    call girls in dubai
    http://www.girldubai.com/

    ReplyDelete
  33. Enjoy With indian and Pakistasni call girls in Dubai.
    Escorts in Dubai
    Whatsapp or call at / +971 564 314 254

    ReplyDelete
  34. Enjoy With indian and Pakistasni call girls in Dubai.
    Escorts in Dubai
    Whatsapp or call at / +971 564 314 254

    ReplyDelete
  35. We are from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. We have sweetest call girls. Young and passionate wench who does not fear to experiment and explore new places, cities and look for the fresh opportunities Pakistani escort in dubai. We have to move and be in so many towns as we can cover so We can be a good escort for you in business trips, travelling, events, meetings, ceremonies and so force Indian . We have Indian escort in dubai. We provide Sexy Desi Call Girls in Dubai. For Best Dubai Escorts Service Call +971523202298.

    ReplyDelete