Friday, 26 October 2012

Exactly how 'Chinese' is 'Chinese Speed-dating'?

Publicity photo for the home page of ''

As part of the UK speed-dating phenomena, since 03-May-2010 '' takes place in the financial capital of the U.K, London, where for £20 and a total of 1hr 30 minutes, ethnic British Chinese city workers with working backgrounds such as Medicine, Engineering, Accountancy, and Law are given the opportunity to meet their potential ethnic Chinese spouse.

Exhibit A:


One such event that regularly advertises on the British Born Chinese Facebook page is Chinese Speed Dates which describes itself as the following:

 "Chinese Speed Dates host stylish and trendy speed dating events for people with, or interested in meeting people, with an Chinese or oriental background."
From the above description, the actual event makes little sense - if 'Chinese Speed Dates' is aimed at Chinese, it should read ' for ethnic Chinese people only'. 

On the other hand, if the purpose is open invitation to white, black, brown, males and 'anyone' who wants to meet ethnic Chinese,  the obvious question is 'why'?

Above Image from the contact page .of the
 'Chinese Speed Dates' website

    Image from the 'Book now' page- Spot the 2 white males and one white female.

Concernedly, one wonders whether events like 'Chinese Speed Dates' run by web domain owner Brighton-based businesswoman Sutmung Cheung , presumably a white-washed British Chinese female, are deliberately designed to encourage interracial dating between ethnic Chinese.

Exhibit B:


Here's  another similar event that takes place monthly at the Jewel Bar, Piccadilly Circus, London. Whilst it appears to be a 'free' event, as you can see from a selection of reviews, dated December 2011, from the following ethnic Chinese males, males are not allowed to find out their' matches' until they pay for it.

'As for the girls, some very pretty, some interesting to chat to, and some both. All friendly and pleasant, but whether they 'tick' you is another story. It is difficult to win someone over in 4 minutes, and after the speeddating there was no mingling time as we were kicked out for the next age group to come in.

Overall, speed dating is good, but I have been to ones that are much better organised. You might argue this one was free, but its not really - its free to see how many girls said yes, but you cant find out whether they're the ones you liked - it doesnt give you your matches until you pay the 20 quid. And you cant contact each other til you've paid, either.'
'Four minutes, of course, goes by quickly in I ditch routine profiling (asking about jobs, hobbies, any prison record, etc.) in favour of cutting straight to the chase with insightful questions such as "Why so cute but single?", "Chinese or British Food?" and "I'm prepared to lie about how we met". Poor things. How can they resist my charm offensive?

I speak to some lovely ladies but there's a minority who seem to have a hard time accepting that they are at a speed dating event. Unfortunately, there are no ladders available for them to get over themselves, so they're stuck in ambivalence, reciting the "I'm just here because my friend asked me to come" speech. I'm sure it's just as boring for them to watch my eyes roll as it is for me to listen to this.'
Wan Lee:
'Beware Chinese Speed Dating is not for the faint hearted, you will see how two-faced some of these girls actually are, they may be pretty, smile and sound as if they are interested in you, but the next day when you get your results you will see that you are on their reject list, and they don't even want to be a friend at least?!

However a good experience as it is free, but don't forget to read the small print! ;)'

Knowing how segregated and dispersed Chinese are in Britain, gaping lack of tradition the majority of British Chinese have retained in their own culture such as 'arranged marriage', the deliberate British media mismatching and non-representation of ethnic Chinese couples; in the heart of the cosmopolitan capital, where a considerably higher concentration of Chinese diaspora exists than anywhere else in the UK,  it's shocking that not one canny ethnic Chinese businessman/woman has yet organized an ethnic 'Chinese only' dating event.

And with Chinese speed-dating clearly designed to attract Chinese women to find non-Chinese multi-racial partners...Chinese males, who are viewed only as a reluctant inclusion at such events, maybe ought to look elsewhere, for their ethnic Chinese female date.

Whilst most single females have no problem dating a non-Chinese, at  multiculturally designed events such as 'Chinese Speed-dating', what alternatives are there for  ethnic Chinese males who are serious about finding a Chinese female partner?


  1. When you see Christian, Muslim, Asian and Jewish speed dating events, you will find they are exclusively open only to the above groups - surprise surprise. Chinese speed dating events are the only such mentioned types which basically means "any non Chinese with yellow fever, go right ahead. Oh, Chinese people too, I suppose."

    1. Doesnt stop at dating events either, google any 'Chinese or Chinese/East Asian' meet up group in London and you will find it's either run by a white person ( usually a bloke) or if run by a Chinese person ( usually a female FOB) there's going to be a white guy involved.

      eg Chinese language group ( run by a white guy and his female Chinese assistants)

      As you say, unlike other ethnic groups, with Chinese, theres no exclusivity, we are are a pseudonym for 'cultural assimilation.

      Chinese events in London are a joke, dating events even more so IMO.

    2. I noticed this comment from one of the rare white women who attended the group

      "“ I was too shy to interrupt the conversations and nobody came to say hello. I did stand around like a loose part for a bit. I think I need to make friends online first! ”

      — Kirsty Apthorp on Mar 24, 2011.==========

      Could it be that Kirsty, being a white woman, did not fit the founders' intended audience of non-Chinese guys looking for Chinese pussy and vice versa???

      I wonder if some Chinese guy in China who is learning English has got some English immigrant girls in China to take part in their "English Language" group.


  2. I never been or ever likely to go to these places, the only interesting angle for me is, what is the turn-up? and does the organizer(s) actually make any money? Bcuz to hire out a club venue and staff it (and respecting tax non-avoidance?) is costly, and don't forget the false recommendations and free advertising it needs, as well LOL.
    You're better off going to a massage parlour and leave out the wining and dining crap, not that i go to these places. I rather gamble £20 quid at the casino show up, and spend the winnings at a certain gentleman bar's VIP room, no c~~k tease there.

    1. Yeah, at least in the Casino you know what majority of company you are surrounded by.

      Agreed about these events being a business, and I guess having a profitable ethnic Chinese ONLY event isn't always possible, being that London Chinese aren't used to attending events that are inclusive of white black or brown, but take a look at this

      Aimed at younger BBC'S/FOB east asian students, with the KPOP setting but is the right idea- ie a place for Chinese to gather and there was one event in London on the 25th. Guessing because its such a big event, there's only 3 showings, but im guessing profitable because Bristol-based Neehao have been advertising these events for some time now.

      Again, run by both ethnic Chinese males ( and females I think), less chance of people feeling out of place, unless you are black white or brown, which makes a nice change.

  3. Happybritishchinese, it seems these venues are geared towards men. The comments seem to be from men. I wonder what will happen if the advertisement is more geared to attract Chinese women run by men, will it be different.

    Sounds more like networking opportunities to me. Topping up on the latest gossip and an opportunity to show off about one's salary with fellow BBCs.

    Speed dating is a fad, just borrowed from city living folks that feel it's a fun night out. Similar to salsa dance classes. It cannot be taken seriously, hence the variety of ethnic backgrounds hanging around. Are those hanger-ons of BBCs who secretly hope they can also pick up something there?? SF.

    1. If you lookin for lurvve, these are the wrong places to go, if your looking for a one night stand then these are.. well actually I don't know...It would not surprise me if some of the female clientele consists of part time escorts rinsing naive inexperienced city boys, or nasty Justin lee, Edison Chen bad boys with the money or good looks, after the thrill of the hunt. I said hunt, phrew no Freudian slip there lol.

    2. SF agreed about the Fad and showing off about salary talk. Hard to say if organised by a Chinese male to attract women, there would not be that multicultural appeal, but Ive attended a couple of one-off events ( not dating, it was a clubbing event ) in London run by a BBC male and it makes logical sense that the ethnic Chinese females would be more up for dating ethnic Chinese males than non-Chinese/white males, than in the two examples in the article above. Also from those same two events, few non-Chinese females.

      Yes its a 'fun night out' but to say it cannot be taken seriously would undermine the scam that this woman, Sutmeng Cheung is running.

      Constantly advertising her speed-DATING' business ( as opposed to eating, or walking) this is almost as bad as the Daily Mail cranking out its clockwork sinophobia, except this Sinophobia, unsuspecting Chinese males have to pay for.

      So in your opinion, what other regular Chinese-only 'dating/meetup' events are there in London for ethnic Chinese?

    3. @Anonymous27 October 2012 20:18

      haha Looks like Eddy's Sai Lo lookalike in the main pic has managed to pull a black guy too.

    4. Happybritishchinese, I have to be honest, I have never researched it myself, so cannot answer that. I guess up until now, I believe BBCs would be the ones organising it rather than FOBs.

      Maybe due to the lack of networking withing the whole BBC scene, if you want to be with a fellow Chinese/BBC, your parents should be doing the matching. Well, that's what my parents seem to do. SF.

    5. SF In the past, there were opportunities given by my parents, but for whatever reason didn't work out and now in general i'm pretty self reliant, when it comes to dating. Of the BBCs I know, Two of my male cousins, both met their BBC spouse through work, others are with FOBS through friends of friends or dating sites.

      Unfortunately dont have that strong sense tradition in my own family, unlike yourself and BBCz, who i call 'privileged' BBC's, because , at least in the dating area, gives you an additional option, right?

      Do you know anyone whose Chinese parents arranging the dating, eg has it worked out for them? Assuming it worked out better than these mainstream events like 'Chinese speed-dating'?

    6. Happybritishchinese, as mentioned before, I'm not really in touch with other BBCs much, but tend to hear things from my parents when I visit them. But from the ones I know, their parents arranged for an FOB girl to come to Britain. Another one met a Malaysian Chinese whilst studying medicine at University. Parents do play a big part because I always hear about parents fussing over who their children should match.

      The ones that have been matched are still in their relationships. But, I can't say that is a barometre of success since it's not enough to show an outcome. I have no idea whether these mainstream events work though, but I doubt it, because it plays more on the dare-devil nature which might create friendship rather than a relationship. SF.

      Chinese parents are careful to pair according to ranking. So, if your daughter is a pharmacist, then she could be matched with a professional. If she is not academic, then they'll match more manual skilled individuals. It can be quite limiting, but I guess, it's all about assuming compatitability.

    7. For someone that don't have their parents in this country and is hoping to make this country her home, I find it hard to meet possible dateable Chinese guys so these events provide a service for those that don't have the connections in this country. And no, there are no single Chinese guys at work. And yes, I do mingle at other meet ups and other events with Chinese people. And yes, I have been to a speed dating event and have met a Chinese guy and been with the guy for 11 months but parental pressure (not mine) broke us up.

      Parental match making is good and well if you like the person they are matching you to. But if you don't and you like someone that you've found on your own then depending on the parents, they can make your life miserable.


    8. Anonymous2 November 2012 10:59

      Can I ask why you want to make this country your home? Does your own country repel you so much that you are willing to uproot and leave friends, family, culture, way of life behind?

      Are you willing to be mocked, stereotyped, denigrated and generally seen as not belonging here, regardless of what you see yourself as? During uni I've come across quite a few Chinese people who were genuinely shocked by racism directed towards them (a couple of girls cried when some chavs came up to them and asked them to love them "long time" - whilst making blowjob gestures).... in East Asia, being in a country where you are the dominant race to one where you are a disrespected minority (i.e. unlike asians and blacks) can be quite an extreme shock.

    9. ~During uni I've come across quite a few Chinese people who were genuinely shocked by racism directed towards them.~

      Can you please tell which university? And why do you think it is not reported or discussed more openly but accepted?

    10. 'My Country' is a western country and it is my adopted country as I moved there when I was young. I choose to come to the UK and live not because my country repels me but more of an experience. This way of life is no different from the way of life in 'My Country'. But it does allow me to travel and get to know new people. I still got teased when I was little for being different. I blame that on me being the only Chinese in my school and it being a small town, you get the small town mentality.

      But no, in general I find this country quite nice. I've only had one racist remark towards me and that was from a 10-12 year old in Feltham.


    11. I am currently doing market research for a dating website aimed at matching British born chinese together. From all the posts on this article, it looks like other people might think this to be a viable idea.

  4. The purpose of these groups and functions is to foster and nurture a community with a strong common identity. We see it in other groups all the time here, America and other parts of the world where there is a disapora. This includes white immigrants in non-white countries e.g. Dubai, Far East, Spain.

    This is especially important in minority groups, as failing to do so will result in fragmentation and assimilation into the wider community, as we have seen with the BBC population here.

    It is different for the white majority, because they are the majority. The population can splinter into different regions and still maintain identity - having said that, even within the white majority we have white-centric/exclusive groups, with the sole purpose of maintaining common identity and heritage on race grounds.

    BBCs have to ask themselves, how many exclusive BBC pairings do they know of compared to non BBC pairings? Now compare that with other groups - asians, blacks and whites.... the BBC population would have been well on its way to a unified and recognised representation if they had done what others usually do - but because of this fragmentation on a large scale (i.e. the majority of BBCs) we are nowhere as effective as other groups when it comes to action or being respected/represented in terms of the others. This trickles down to everything, even the census forms asking us for our identity. Still no British Chinese.

    1. Many have said that none of this is relevant, indeed they take the stance of their forefathers and fmothers' views - as long as they work hard and prosper economically, living the good life, then it should be fine. Wrong. I advise those people - BBCs, recent immigrants alike - to look at the cases of Indonesia, Malaysia, Solomon Islands - Thailand and Phillipines is going that way also....countries with ethnic Chinese populations - some up to 6th generation - doing well financially - but crucially without political or community recognition. As a result, this breeds contempt within the majority and other minorities - "look at them Chinese, taking our money and resources and not spending it in OUR community"..... it all originates from that thought process, and it has turned into several pograms and race riots leading to tens of thousands of Chinese women raped, Chinese children and men beheaded and killed.

      A strong, distinct British Chinese community with common bonds that stems back generations (and not one that lasts for 2 generations before being assimilated), that looks out and stands up for one another, and has good effective representation in social, political as well as economical areas, is the only way the British Chinese can have a bright future.

      Unless of course your definition is for British Chinese to be mean White British with a drop of Chinese blood somewhere in the past, which is entirely plausible the way things are going... I can imagine our future descendants go "yeah, my great great grandmother was Chinese, I try to forget that though, I'm mostly white now!"... whilst trying to be accepted amongst his/her white British peers, desperately trying to hide their distinct Chinese features they so desperately want to go away.

      Let's reverse this toxic mindset that has plagued so many of us.

    2. I guess alot of BBCs don't have your brains nor the depth of analysis, you can't blame BBcs being like their parents they bought them up and instil in them their survivalist behind the wok or tiger mother values, so its all about making money and being apolitical. Before slating of BBCs look at the people making the money, if they are, their priority aint reversing the alleged toxic mindset but to use their resources for their business advantage, its selfish capitialism, if for example a hapas theatre gp was to get their way, would they share it with BBCs or expand the debate beyond Zhao's dog? no they would keep for themselves, a closed clique unless it suits them, and protect it. Like now.

      woof woof

    3. Agreed its both inward looking FOB parents lack of wanting to create solid community which creates the geographic dispersal that us BBCs grow up in, as well as the media those mixed race marriages who want to have Eurasian children,most will grow up to be like Madam Miaow and take advantage of racist media opportunities to become British Chinese community 'spokespeople'.

      Hopefully for the younger gen, who have more BBC/BBC BBC-FOB pairings, that healthy sense of British Chinese community can evolve beyond the tiger mum survivalist instinct, and kpop
      gundum style consumption bollocks to create some actual BBC culture...and give us BBC's something to celebrate beyond the typical Chinese values, but then that's probably asking a bit much.

    4. Anonymous28 October 2012 21:28

      This is what bugs me the most. There is absolutely NO reason why those financially better off, in business etc. are NOT political. Indeed if you look at the world in general, including Britain, it is business figures who go into politics, express their views etc... they are the ones most likely to be heard and have political influence. You could say they go hand in hand, business and politics.

      Which is why when I see Chinese communities and people all over the world, not just in Britain, doing well economically and having worked their way up through hard times - as you said, having a "survivalist mentality" - they have not reaped the rewards and gone into or influenced politics, which naturally comes from having such a mindset.

    5. To expand on Anon 28's point... that has not the way white capitalism has worked. If you notice what with the spread of white brands and companies around the world, they have taken with them their culture and - wherever possible - spread THEIR "style" of things to foreign shores. Make money AND spread culture is probably their motto. Like I said, there is no reason why you cannot make money and influence others. They go together. Maybe the Chinese, especially immigrants, need to realise this....because as cultural influence is a fickle thing, at the present moment they are more likely to - as you say sell out culturally to make money. Whereas whites do the opposite in the far east e.g. Starbucks, McDs.

    6. To put it more simply, it s keeping it in the "family" the politics is irrevelant, there are only essentially 2 types of politics, change or no change, if you are a successful business person in the current situation it makes business sense to sustain the status quo, the "chinese" will oppress other or take advantage of other chinese, usually due to upper class dominance. Without getting too deep speed dating, who actually benefits? its those who are raking in the cash.

    7. whereas in general, the white mentality re: business is to take advantage of other races to benefit their own...see how many white companies and brands have stopped their stagnation by using Chinese factories to make goods for them to sell at a high markup - sometimes even to the Chinese consumers themselves.

      BMW, Tesco, McDonalds... all have reported limited or no growth - but because of China, their sales have never been higher.

    8. Business and politics go hand in hand and I totally agree with the points made. If you look at the big property groups like Great Eagle Group and how long they've been trading along with their international property profile, it's quite disappointing how they are hardly making a dent or changing world politics.

      More notable faces in the media like Dickson Poon and David Tang can command more column inches with his political ideals/leanings, and instead prefer to offer donations, which seems to be big in Hong Kong circles, because it makes great headlines but makes little changes. SF.

    9. David Tang his politics are upper class capitialist exclusivity, he won't hold the torch for BBCs from the working classes, unless it promotes his sharkfin restaurants and silk clothing range, this why there is no chinese community it s partly due to class difference. Most of the chinese who come to the UK are desparate poor folk, not privilege cigar smoking poseurs.

    10. Chinese FOB businessmen in the UK are all about self interest looking to impress their white elitist colleagues. There is no 'looking out for Chinese' its every man for himself. And as at the top of the pyramid, so it goes for everyone down below.

      FOB community then morphs into a mass of individualist self-interest which doesnt do anything for BBCs who want to create some kind of group think tank because we have no rolemodels and can only look to ourselves, and then with everything being held on white standards, without looking to start our own from scratch its all got to be picture perfect before we can agree on anything, which of course delays any genuine attempts to arrange meetups of any kind.

      If it was in British Chinese nature to create culture/make a difference to our community, we would have done something by now, its simply not within our nature, whichever angle you look at it.

      The speed dating event in someways is symbolic of British Chinese aspirational identity, in that we cannot arrange anything for ourselves without having to have someone black white or brown involved to create interest.

    11. HBC any luck at the casinos?
      About role models, unconsciously our role models like it or not, are our well-spoken oxbridge educated parents, hence "we" become like our parents, the fact they wish to leave the far east, already sets in motion the defragmentation of their extended family, culture and identity.

      in response to ^ :"Can I ask why you want to make this country your home? Does your own country repel you so much that you are willing to uproot and leave friends, family, culture, way of life behind?..." ASK your parents that question, because most chinese remain their country of birth, and would not allow to subject their offspring to cruel racism, if your parents don't know that, its time for some adult talk.

      That's my golden nugget of wisdom for tonight and so to bed... or should I nip down the big c for a quikkie bet? Like grandfather, like father, like son but with better IT skills and shaves...

    12. I agree that class divide means that many BBCs from average New Territories background will not quite relate to the likes of David Tangs of this world. But then again, what country is not really expeeriencing similar situations? Many of east Asian politicians have had an education here in Britain. That means, they too have come from an already previleged background from their parents, then to end up at a good university to finally go into politics that normally do not represent the average people of their countries.

      My point is, people like David Tang or Dickson Poon could be more political with their names already firmly in the mainstream press, but they prefer to shy away from that, therefore denying Chinese people of a voice let alone opinion.

      The word on the street is Chinese people have no opinion, do not concern themselves with politics, and keep their heads firmly down making money for themselves.

      I have asked my parents why they have ended up here. My father was sent here by his mother. She was fed up with my father moping about after getting involved with a married woman, and in order to avoid shame, sent him over here to her brother's restaurant to work.

      During this time, she arrange marriage for him, and it's no big secret with my mother. She only married my father because she was told he had business in Britain. So you could say she was white worshipping already. My father had a very difficult relationship with his mother and made sure he did not go back.

      Whether any of this is the truth, only my parents know. All I do know is this. My grand parents had family living here already, and they were the ones which were the original settlers here, and I wish I could ask them that question, because like you said, it's a question that all BBCs should ask. SF.

    13. Think for those BBCs who have big families the effect of whiteworshipping isnt felt as much, I think like

      Anonymous28 October 2012 16:18 ( correct me if im wrong)?

      For me, not much to say, dont have a huge family and whiteworshipping has run all the way through, is what it is, same time I respect them, love them, like all families have their own issues and problems, but music I listen to, food I eat, socialising , are all directed by my new inner compass.Sometimes Im my old self, sometimes my new self like Im trapped in ancient China in the body like that film Highlander and sort out my own life and deal with my own awkward personality as well as the usual responsibities

      @Anonymous5 November 2012 02:04 just about break even, but thats okay. Big C is one of the few public places I can unwind, and feel 'at ease' alone or whatever, apart from odd bit of grocery shopping.

      And re rolemodels my parents are shit rolemodels. My gran is probably the closest I get to a rolemodel. I am my own rolemodel. Guess thats the way it is for most BBCs if not mistaken, unless anyones got a different take on this.

  5. For you guys who aren't single, or know BBC /ethnic Chinese couples, did your parents arrange the meet up, or at say a friend of a friend of a friend? Or was it at an all Chinese event? How successful was it ( for that person) compared to say these more mainstream 'Speed -dating' events?

  6. Also, directly related to the Speed-dating article, how do these Chinese males feel, when our own women ( whoops mustn't sound too 'possessive' there) are being blatantly courted by black white indian brown males?

    Don't know about you lot, but it would fuck me off no end. And yes, I know dating is in the name of self interest ie if you pull who gives a shit about anyone else- but if Chinese-pride isnt that strong enough to have an all Chinese event, then that can only mean that as can be seen from the reviews, where one of the guys are half-joking about 'bromance' at the end of the night-that for some of these cockteasing Chinese females, the 'standards'for a date, at these events are reserved for non-Chinese ie black white brown, then im sorry but that to me is the BIGGEST degrading insult to Chinese males who are conned into these events.

    Sutmung Cheung, and the other owner of, both need an accolade for all time British Chinese con-artist of the year along with all the other useless exploitive twats of British Chinese community IMO

    1. You only have to look at the comments, behaviour and anger of white men on certain internet forums when mentioning a black/arab male-white female couple, whether in media or simply in public, to see that this reaction is not race specific.

      Same with Muslim men who pour acid on Muslim women's faces for "disgracing" their family. White men who beat up and kill white women for sleeping outside their race. Indian men who went on riots and burnt effigies of white men when Richard Gere gave Shilpa Shetty (a well known Indian actress) a kiss in a press event.

      Oriental women think we are racist when voicing our views here. Oriental men's response has been the weakest/non existent to their women being with other men...mostly why oriental women (and men of all races) are so bold and have no worries with being seen together. Because they know the men will do fuck all to retaliate.

    2. Anonymous 3/11/12:21:31, regards to your last paragraph. Are you in essence blaming oriental men for being too laid back? And the reason oriental women seem to do what they please?

      Just going back to the white people. I find that untrue. It is in fact the media that create tolerance or intolerance. Due to the decades of anti racism measures and the big push for equality in all categories, English women still do what they please because mainstream society tells them they have that choice, despite a few meatheats wanting to vent their frustrations and anger at 'their' women being taken.

      I think it is the media that plays a strong role in promoting oriental women with caucasion men. Parents and the community might try to stem this, but there is nothing more powerful than media manipulation and how the film and advertising industries work hand in hand to create this so-called accepted harmonious relationship where oriental women look natural with caucasion partners. SF.

    3. Bruce Lee his wife who was Anglo-German, they seem to be "fine" so the bio-pic depicts, but the HK media depicted her as a gweipor, his bruv is totally Hk dreadful singer srry.

    4. @SF

      Do you think that racially assumed ownership of women is sexist?

      Surely the reason why Blacks Indians and whites have been so protective of 'their'women is why there is not as much interracial between their women as say, Chinese women.

      The media does play a strong role, but the way you are putting it makes out that Oriental women cant seem to think for themselves and would choose an ethnic Chinese male over a non ethnic Chinese male because they are trained to think that way. For me I just see the media taking advantage of the whiteworshipping seeds that were planted long ago in insecure East Asian females.

    5. Because Chinese females have no sense of exclusivity and that everyone is inclusive, coupled with the media desexualisation/invisibility reluctance of Chinese males, lack of national cultural /soft powerdevelopment at the cost of pragmatic survivalism/materialism its no wonder you get so much IR with Chinese women and that they actually get so much bad press. If any East Asian women felt ashamed about IR you wouldve thought they wouldve have campaigned against it, or the brave few spoke out against it but if anything, they actually perpetuate the media propagatation and 'go with the flow' as covered by multiple articles on this blog.

    6. Happybritishchinese, I don't think it's sexist. To be honest, I see that as some kind of natural instinct. Sadly, I do think media plays a huge role in shaping us, especially when discussing BBCs. We will normally see western/caucasian men highly represented around us, and much as TVB offers us a bit of what it might be like to live in the far east, it's very limited.

      For FOBs, it's very different. Those that 'choose' to go with white men might be making a very conscious step in making themselve part of being an economic migrant. It's possibly a career step which helps them speed up the ladder into white previlege society.

      Whatever it is, FOB women are putting white men on a pedastal and therefore seeing them as more a cash-cow than as possibly attractive. Whereas what I've seen around me, BBCs tend to end up with caucasians because they are surrounded by them rather than Chinese men. SF.

    7. I agree with SF's statement "BBCs tend to end up with caucasians because they are surrounded by them rather than Chinese men" because it's true. It's not because foreign born Chinese (can't just use British Born here) or even foreign raised Chinese worships whites, it's because it's what they are used to and what they are most comfortable with.

    8. Whiteworshipping may be considered 'normal', but that doesnt mean you cannot question it.

    9. To paraphrase: 'As a foreign born Chinese female you are more'comfortable' having a white partner'

      So by that same logic would that make you feel 'uncomfortable' having an ethnic Chinese partner?

    10. If a chinese females only meet and socialise with "whites" then chances are, their partner(s) will be. I have meet some BBc girls who don't date BBC guys and i think its something to do with being too close to home, and something they don't want to be to be associated with, like crude Hakka manners.
      Concerning my non-chinese relationships, even as a friend only couple, there is often a sense of unease from the stares of surprise (or disgust?) from white, black and chinese folk, I am sure it happens in speed dating as well, but they re savvy enough not to mention the race issues. I am bit cynical of these dos, it gives women their 15min bit of self esteem, that they still have it, by their cockteasing clowning and guys willingly playing the fool.

    11. @happybritishchinese

      No actually, I've only been with a ethnic Chinese partner and prefer them and this is from someone that didn't have a Chinese friend (male or female) until university. But it doesn't take away my understanding and acceptance of others that have found love with other ethnicities. I say other ethnicities because I know of a couple that is HK Chinese and a Kenyan Indian Muslim. I have also seen a couple that is black and a chinese. Maybe they are a minority but it makes no difference, they are still the same as a chinese and a white. They are still human.

    12. @Anonymous6 November 2012 08:57

      3 questions:

      Do you think the recent Chinese female students that visit the UK tend to prefer white/nonChinese or Chinese partners? Or do they, go for the white/non-Chinese default, simply because like yourself find it 'hard' to meet a Chinese male?

      Also do you think there are any economical factors involved? For example a Chinese women working/studying in the UK would choose to date a white male because he is a sure bet financially, but if she were to choose a Chinese male, that male would have to be earning more than the white male?

      Knowing how there is a disproportionate number between females and males in China ( more males) , that more Chinese female are being allowed to study in the UK than male students, does this create proportionately more interracial romances, between educated Chinese females that return to China, and possibly creating a preference for dating non-Chinese when arriving back home, lessening the chance of your 'average' Chinese male ever finding a Chinese wife?

    13. @Anonymous6 November 2012 03:02

      I heard the classic excuse for these same selfhating western (born) ethnic Chinese women who refuse to date ethnic Chinese male goes 'Its like dating my own brother'

      Funny, considering that when they get into a relationship with a white male,more often than not it plays right into the white male's paedophile fantasies.

    14. @happybritishchinese

      Answer to your 3 questions:
      1. I wouldn't know what they think because their way of thinking is different from mine. But I know of a couple and they are both Chinese and they both met at a UK university so no I don't believe Chinese female students go for the white/non Chinese by default. Saying that, it really depends on the female student. I also have a friend back when I was at uni who was a foreign student from China and she met her current husband at uni, but he was part Chinese so I don't know whether that counts.

      2. There might be economical factors involved especially if they are gold digging materialistic cows. But who am I to say? Also white men does not automatically mean he is a sure bet financially. There are bums in all races and ethnicities. My ex is earning less than me (at this point in time in his career). Doesn't bother me much. I don't understand why the Chinese guy would have to earn more than the white guy. Also it depends on the white guy doesn't it? I mean I'm sure some earn less than 20k per year and I'm sure there are Chinese guys that earn more than that and there are some that earn less.

      3. It is possible that it would happen that way. But there are also those Chinese guys that have emigrated that go back to China to find a wife. One of my cousins did this and I believe a family friend also did this so really the males in China are going to lose out anyway. Also it's not normally the 'average' Chinese guys that lose out, it's the lower end of the scale guys that lose out because they are either still in villages or cannot support a wife and a family.

      I find it hard to meet a compatible Chinese male. The ones that I meet become friends and I don't ever go there since it's like pissing in your own pool. The ex didn't have the same time line as me as I do want kids before I am 38 and his parents don't like me because of that as it would ruin his career. My parents are not in this country to introduce me to friends of friends and yes I have meet some that they have introduced me to and no I wasn't interested because there's a certain awkwardness and they are a million k's away. So yes I will give my money away and go to these Speed dating events in hope of finding a Chinese guy that has the same time line as me and meet my criteria.

    15. Happybritishchinese, you made this comment:

      "To paraphrase: 'As a foreign born Chinese female you are more'comfortable' having a white partner'

      "So by that same logic would that make you feel 'uncomfortable' having an ethnic Chinese partner?"

      Certainly the opposite. My family are very strict and traditional, and quite the opposite. In fact, we will be made to feel terrible should we enter into a relationship with any other race other than East Asian. By that, I mean, they'll accept Taiwanese, Malaysians, Vietnamese that speak Cantonese and Singaporians within the group.

      I can't speak for others, but can clearly see that some FOB parents may have experienced some very big struggles in their youth, which often limits their choices, and at any given chance, will allow whatever their child wishes in this generation. Is it a symptom?

      Maybe we have to wait for another generation to see. But then again, as stated here, the next so-called BBC generation will soon be disappearing. SF.

    16. @Anonymous6 November 2012 14:20

      Thanks for the clear answers, BTW if you are interested in becoming a regular article contributor, dont hesitate to email me ( profile) or BBCz ( who is the owner of this blog, about writing articles for the blog, right now we are looking for as many British Chinese pro-ethnic Chinese contributors to keep it going, and you seem to be a person who has clear opinions. Also good luck with finding the one who fits the criteria, things tend to happen when you aren't looking so Ive been told, but im probably the last person you'd want to listen to for relationship advice haha


      Nice to know you also come from a traditional background, Im jealous, can only imagine what that's like, lets hope BBC generation will keep going or renew itself in other ways in addition to ethnic Chinese or East Asian. Maybe Anonymous6 November 2012 14:20 can answer your question about limited choices growing up, which I can imagine (if being from China as opposed to HK) , what it's like being from a one-child Chinese family.

      Be good to also to hear what others (guys) have to say?

    17. If David Tang OBE (why? who elected him? must be the recipients of his very selective funds) was on welfare benefits, I don't think he would be in a mixed-raced marriage, nor be in a chinese marriage either so he shove his cigars up his...

      Another classic example, abt chinese luis not dating bbc guys, some are so proud and think they too pretty and better than guys that come from TAs. They don't want their potential in-laws or future kids to be trapped in a greasy kitchen. Guys don't wanna get coupled with a NT simpleton that says yes to everything either. so what happens usually is we end up with someone like ourselves in social rank and level of attractiveness. I don't think its no coincidence that rolypollies fall for me bigtime, don't wanna gave TMI ;)

    18. @Anonymous7 November 2012 01:09

      I came from a TA background. Nothing wrong with that but it doesn't mean that I am still in the kitchen (unless I'm helping out my parents). It also doesn't mean that my kids will also be in the kitchen unless they choose to be. I personally am not ashamed of it and whenever I go home, I would still help out in the kitchen to relieve my parents as they are getting old.

      I am also not a NT simpleton that says yes to everything but nor am I a materialistic person. But yes I would like to find someone that has the same social rank and level of attractiveness as well as someone that is accepting of all classes of people.

      Thanks for the invite to write articles, but I'm not that good at writing structured article with intro, arguments and conclusions. Takes me back to uni and I hate writing essays.

    19. @Anonymous 07/11/12@01:09, I have to disagree to some point with your view regarding BBC women. If anything, I find that most Chinese women brought up here will subscribe to the idea of judging someone by their personality rather than their wallet and social standing.

      I don't think BBC women would judge you based on your New Territory background, however their parents might. I find that parents are quite closed minded on where other BBCs are from and dare I say obsessed with pairing according to ranking. But those born here are less likely to be snobby in that way.

      Perhaps the attitude tend to come from those that repel with anything to do with Chinese? I have met these girls. They are often interested in finding men they feel they should be entitled to. This kind of thinking usually comes out through being ashamed at their very own backgrounds.

      I don't know about others, we seem to be proud of our background. The so-called "lahn dut dut" ( a Hakka expression)look is often a source of jokes when we see flip flop wearers with bed-hair and toothpick hanging from lips. In a strange way, it's who we are or should I say were. SF.

    20. @Anonymous7 November 2012 01:09

      David Tang's FT column, emails there too.

      Heres his tumblr, where Kate Moss interviews him calling him 'Uncle David', enjoy

      Sir David is actually KBE- Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire, Wing Yip is OBE, KBE is 2 notches higher than OBE. So don't forget to address him as Sir when you ask him how many cigars he has shoved up his recently

    21. @Anonymous7 November 2012 09:50 and SF

      I'm still shocked both of you subscribe to the 'personality' explanation. Isn't this the standard opening line that is said at these kind of Speed-dating events by cock-teasing females?

      And wouldn't either of you go for a tall handsome Cantonese-speaking Eurasian 50k a year high earner if it really came down to it?

      Like Anonymous7 November 2012 01:09 hinted

      Maybe you are both are exceptions to the 'rule' and that everything at end of day means'chemistry' but apart from delving into your personal lives and asking you to both post pics of your ex's on here, the 'personality' explanation is a bit hard to believe. And SF not to border on moronic BBC territory but more devils advocate ( with a bit of BBC moronic territory) , if you had to choose between a unkept bed hair toothpicking Hakka FOB at a speed-dating event wearing flipflops,and say, a suited and booted Daniel Wu BBC male lookalike, which would you choose?

    22. Sir David Tang used to fund YET (still does?) so you know where his sympathies lie, and why he gets good PR from hapas, very clever, well spoken business guy.. but dont like his smug personality, his delusional self importance, nor his narcissism and egotism, its incredible...

      I wish more BBCs females have the mentality of Anonymous7 November 2012 09:50 and SF; but thats not my usual experience alas, that includes my younger sister. About the greasy kitchen, and this is a generalisation, it is not necessarily the place itself, but the lingering conversational culture and sad memories, parents from TA can't see things beyond the wok handle, thats all where the referencing comes from, it's their whole world view, it s either tragic or ignorant bliss. I agree there is nothing to be ashamed of, if you are aware of it. I always found those that dismiss and deny one's TA background and deliberately act as if they are privileged give off an insecure or fake personality.
      Having said that every now and then, am pleasantly fooled by some BBCs sharp dress sense and "refined" mannerisms, even more so when they actually reside in poor housing and of very a humble background, which makes me respect and warm to them all the more, and of their intelligence.
      There are some hakka mannerisms that are a big turn off, like those bhat-por intonations, oh those hakka women once they get going, they give it so loud, boy they know how to gossip.

    23. @happybritishchinese

      Please! My ex wasn't the most good looking person, he didn't speak Cantonese and he did earn less than me (but I didn't ask him that) and yes I did meet him at a speed dating event. I liked him in the speed dating event because of a common dislike of cricket and we made a joke on it because the previous guy was trying to convince me to like it in 20 secs that he had left. I only said yes to one other guy and I'm sure he didn't earn as much as me. I would have said yes to others but crossed them out again maybe because I was a bit embarrassed but one was a mixed.

      There's a saying which my mum told me but I completely forgot about handsome guys 'lang jai mo yea sum'? Something like that. Also I'm not the most prettiest female out there so I wouldn't expect my guy to be the most handsome and truthfully I do prefer someone that has a compatible personality to me (except for friends that I have put in the friend zone). In saying that, I still have my criteria.

      Who is Daniel Wu?

      @Anonymous 8 November 2012 01:05

      You know what's funny about the sharp dress? My parents are the complete opposite. They don't show it and they dress horribly! Even if they can afford better, Mum would still mend their clothes because they still work in a TA. Also the locals wouldn't know the difference.

      'Having said that every now and then, am pleasantly fooled by some BBCs sharp dress sense and "refined" mannerisms, even more so when they actually reside in poor housing and of very a humble background, which makes me respect and warm to them all the more, and of their intelligence.'

      Are you sure it's just not them trying to hide their humble background? Wouldn't you want people to accept you for who you are? Some of the richest people still dress like they were before. They don't need LV bags to let them know how much they have.

    24. Happybritishchinese, without delving into too much of my so-called difficult personality, the point you are trying to make is either progress and what happens when someone coming from poor background/beginnings feels when confronted with their past, will they choose the past or the present.

      I have not seen this Wu bloke so can't comment. But imagine he wears shoes and brushes his hair! It's more about someone able to stand on their own two feet and not being too imposing and controlling. I can't tell you whether flip flop wearers with unkept hair can be a selling point or not. But realistically, good table manners and less shouting is a bonus, but would that make me a sell-out because it's termed as being more refined? It's not about money, but more about respect. SF.

    25. Haha threads turning into speeddating interrogation

      Anonymous8 November 2012 01:05

      I also respect those people that dress smart even though they come from a humble background, at end of day, just be who you are. In some respects, the 'refinement' of westernisation blots out the 'naturalness of Chinese rawness.Was thinking that today actually, you know how Japs Koreans etc ( see SFs Surgery article) are so 'clinical' and when I saw a bunch of FOBS in town today, raw, energetic. I think thats something that we Chinese have over the other East Asians. Just that in a 'white world' its not appreciated.

      Unfortunately at these events, its 'first impressions count' and selling yourself in 4 minutes you got to be a pretty slick salesman, IMO. Maybe David Tang would make a good Speed-dating candidate.

      Two rare ethnic Chinese females agreed are SF and Anonymous8 November 2012 08:53, maybe we four of us can continue this discussion offline no ok so back to politics

      Anonymous8 November 2012 08:53

      Basically he earns less, doesnt speak Cantonese, and if it wasnt for the guy next to him your ex wouldnt have charmed you. So that cricket joke earned you both 11 years of partnership, funny

      'lang jai mo yea sum' sorry my Cantonese is piss poor, what does that mean?

      re Daniel Wu

      Dont you guys watch old school ( well not THAT old ) HK movies? New Police Story, Protege,Overheard 2?

      So you ticked the Eurasian box haha thats okay, to be expected, I suppose.

      SF Yes the BBC cultural dilemma how do we combine the past with the present. Actually that wasnt what I was getting at was looking at it more from a cultural POV ie dating POV by marrying/settling/dating with a FOB a BBC gets to preserve his Chineseness, but loses his/her 'modernness' but if a BBC dates marries a BBC, do they become a 'diluted Chinese'? Actually if anyone here can answer me that Id love to know because thats part of the dilemma of the BBC generation isnt it? Are we worth continuing or are we just a cultural irrelvance?

      You have a difficult personality as well? In what way? Have you been so mistreated in the past that you would choose respect over money? Was it a gweilo? With respect, tell me when Im crossing the line here, may have been a while back

    26. @happybritishchinese

      My attempt at Cantonese is crap. Translation is something like 'Cute guys are players'.

      re Ex: Yes he charmed me but it wasn't meant to be as we are not together.

      No I definitely have not heard of Daniel Wu and I'm not sure if I've ever seen him or remember him in movies. Don't know whether I'd choose him if he was in a speed dating event. Maybe as friends and nothing else because I'm sure he can get prettier girls.

      re Diluted Chinese:
      That is an interesting question because if two BBC's marry then you do have that chance if they don't care either way. But some do care and they would make their kids go to Chinese school or learn to read and write if they have the chance. Personally I would make my kids do that. I'm missing on a lot, not knowing how to read and write. I would love to read the Candor series. It's either make the kids go to Chinese school or move to China for a year or two.

    27. Happybritishchinese. Was it 'gweilo'? Ha ha, you are making me laugh. No comment!.Put it this way, I've never really settled with anyone either Chinese or 'gweilo'. For that, my parents are really quite resigned now following attempts to pair me off with BBCs and FOBs in the past, but is that my stubborness or me being picky? The sole reason I'm labelled as difficult.

      I may be picky at my food and maybe quite controlling on a lot of things in my life, but honestly speaking, I can speak my mind and that can be too much for some.

      My father says this of BBC women. "Choice is a thorn in our side. In the end, too much freedom will be the undoing of women, and they don't know it yet." Can you see how I will find it hard to sometimes talk with my parents? They believe simplicity is what we need. The choice and the ability to earn will mean that by the time we finally lower our expectations, the men are no longer there.

      As for BBCs and FOBs, I think that can be tricky. I know of one BBC who married an FOB wife and (rumour has it) ten years down the line, the FOB wife has gone mad because the BBC's father had promised her that they would inherit his business. When that didn't happen, she has told her husband that she slept with his father, and had been duped into this deal. Positions could be abused and of course, FOBs may also have their shallow reasons too, and it's not always about love.

      BBCs marrying BBCs will most likely cause a slight diluting because it's only inevitable. Not all BBCs want their children to attend Chinese School or learn their native language. I can't speak Cantonese properly myself. I can understand it, but my pronounciation is a little rusty, but I'm very proud I can speak Hakka fluently. I notice a lot of BBCs finding it hard speaking their native languages. I imagine writing the characters will be even worse. SF.

    28. Anonymous9 November 2012 08:55

      Your mum said Cute guys are players? But did your dad tell you that cute girls are flirters?

      Also just to ask, you mentioned that you came to this country, 'for the experience' and im assuming your parents, in running a takeaway speak Cantonese? So how is it you only speak English? Ive never heard of a FOB that cannot speak Chinese, even if they are raised here.

      Agreed with you Chinese school and or both moving to China is important for raising children. Speaking at least one of the two dialects would give them a good advantage and yes relocating, providing youve got the means is a great way to escape this shithole, Ive made a lot of friends ( younger gen) from the mainland, more BBCs I reckon should travel to China,not just HK, unless they want to get trapped in the 'we're fucked and we cant do anything about it' pass us the bubble-tea lets discuss electricity bills quagmire for rest of their lives.

    29. SF So if you had attended Chinese speed-dating event, at the end of the night you wouldve grabbed the arm of the nearest Hakkgwei? No comment.

      If youve turned down to date BBCs or FOBS, then yes Id agree with your dad that your exercising your liberties a bit too much. Not in the respect that youre past the sell-by date, but probably that once you get into the habit of dating Hakkgwei only youd probably get used to the idea of dating them and Im guessing enter the imminent BBC-cultural/racial /linguistic dilution stage. If you accept that BBCs were jooksing-fucked to begin with, and deserve to be excluded from British Chinese FOB-run society, then I guess it doesnt matter.

      Your story about the BBC marrying FOB female is I guess not uncommon. Wonder if its the same the other way round?

      Does anyone here reckon its only women that are gold-diggers or is it just men as well?

      Also does anyone here in this culturally-sapped iphone-twiddling modern age believe that love exists anymore for modern couples? Maybe thats why these speed-dating events make so much money. It packages love as a commodity along with other things that money can so easily buy, right?

    30. another scenario, Ok when BBC luis or sf cougars (lol!) are surrounded by whites chances as said they get paired off with whites, but the other way round? If BBc guys are surrounded from a whites only area, are they likely just to be paired up with white women, my take is no, one because of racism and 2nd white women generally don't found chinese guys sexy or date material. I meet white girls who say dating a chinese guy is a no no, there are exceptions, but what are your views BBc bloggers?

    31. There are exceptions,in dating where the white girl has East-Asian fetish,but in marriage, a BBC male chooses to date a white female because all the Chinese females are taken, more often than not, by white/indian/black

      'UK marriage ratio for XM/CF is double that of CM/XF (30% vs 14%), there is a shortfall in the number of Chinese females available for Chinese males to marry in the UK, therefore to reach equilibrium, some Chinese males must seek a bride who is non-Chinese and/or a non-British.'

      But when it comes to settling down and having kids,most ethnic Chinese males apart from the racism from white females, and our supposed lack of sex appeal, will choose to marry /have kids with an ethnic Chinese/East Asian female than have Eurasian/mixed kids. Women are obviously less fussy.

      Re: whites only area,I agree white women esp English will only go with locals, even going to your average club, when is the last time you will see a white English girl with a Chinese guy? Rare.

      Whether with the influx of FOB female students coming to the UK will give single Chinese women rediscovering their ethnic pride a run for their money, its possible but if a fair number of those same FOBS are white-lickers, any increase in ethnic Chinese partnering will also be balanced by increase in Chinese FOB female/white male.

    32. @happybritishchinese

      No my dad has never told me that cute girls are flirters... maybe because I'm not into girls.

      My parents don't speak Cantonese to me, we only speak dialect so I know dialect and can speak it but when I speak Cantonese to people, they get really confused as my sounds are not quite right.

      I personally think that gold digging applies to both male and female, but you don't see many females earning more than males in the same age group so most often you'll see it's the female that's the gold digger. But not all females are gold diggers!!!

      I want to believe that love exists for modern couples. But it's hard for me at this moment in time as it has let me down. Romance has died in this era, though I still have hope it still exists in some people.

      @saw gor
      I know of a couple that has been married for years and have a 13 year old daughter. The woman is white Irish and the guy is Malaysian Chinese. I have also seen white girls with oriental guys holding hands walking down the street in London so yes they do exist. Look at Bruce Lee.

      I think the question should be asked that if you don't like all the ethnic Chinese girls dating white guys... then how on earth do they meet you or you meet them apart from parents? Do you hide in a hole or something and only come out at night when people normally sleep? I know loads of single Chinese girls that would love to find a partner that isn't a party guy but is interesting enough to have a conversation with. But where is the rock they've been hiding?

    33. thx hbc for the stats, i dont want to derail the discussion, but i think the gay scene is different(i am not or against closet gays like ken hommy or the previous YET admin lol) , i say this because i get prepositioned many times by upfront white guys who are obviously not racist, i even played a few frames of late nite snooker with a chinese gay guy regular...Anyway I stopped using the TomFord cologne its been giving off the wrong balmy vibes lol.
      As to @SF " on earth do they meet you or you meet them apart from parents?" my take is not to specifically target luis during the LV sales, but do some leisurely pastime that interests you by probability alone, chances you meet more people maybe the special BBC one haha,
      as a poor student I was once forced to make ends met to work long shifts in a demeaning food chain, it was there I meet some fellow BBcs just like my ansa is serendipity.

    34. HAHA Playing snooker with gays? Keeps you busy then I guess. I thought BBCs just work for FOBS parents as teens, run /manage restaurants or go solo accountancy law consultancy IT mid level management in big company - never heard of slaving away on a food chain. Thats new to me.

      For me, meeting other BBC guys was in a line of work that I used to do and no im not saying, if you want to know email me. No nothing dubious either before you start the jokes up.

      Other ways to at least get to know BBCs online are the pattern-knitting, i mean British Chinese forum online, which arranges regular meetups. No idea what they are like never been to one but if its as interesting as what they yak talk about online, probably never will do.

    35. Happybritishchinese, I'm not following you with your first paragraph. Are you saying I prefer anything but an ethnic Chinese? I'm picky and over the years I've more or less accepted the fact that it's more to do with the fact that I'm not into committment and shy away from pressures like that. It's not something I think about anymore to be honest. It's only on the sugject here and the question of how BBCs live today that I started to discuss these issues.

      I mentioned one FOB and BBC couple that I knew of. Doesn't mean all FOB wives are gold diggers. Furthermore, it might even be malicious gossip.

      As for FOB guys, it's strange, I notice it's less likely because by the time women have been brought up here, they tend to want a man with a similar background. Could this be a cultural thing that men must not somehow end up inferior in a couple? SF.

    36. @hbc "Other ways to at least get to know BBCs online are the pattern-knitting, i mean British Chinese forum online, which arranges regular meetups. No idea what they are like never been to one but if its as interesting as what they yak talk about online, probably never will do."

      lol, does that mean you do, but keep it quiet, no worries, I may of been to a few myself lol, may even have met you without knowing haha,
      the reason i have worked on my own, is because from a young age i choose to study and live away from my parents as such as poss. I guess some prefer not to be so independent, and prefer stay and rely on their parents 4ever, guess i am not a typical BBc in that sense.

    37. @sor gor You know what, Im sure Ive met some of the commentors on here,its really weird, In early days when I tried to help BBCz promote this blog I gave out the url to a bunch of people met online and offline, and sometimes I know they are commenting on here at times... but its hard to tell. In fact how did you know about this blog - did I send you a message on youtube? or you cant remember?

      Independent from young age, yeah different from most BBCs, I can respect that.

    38. @SF

      Sorry didnt mean to be putting you on the spot, thanks for sharing your private life, its now officially part of the controversial issues affecting British Chinese community haha, just kidding


      'Could this be a cultural thing that men must not somehow end up inferior in a couple?'

      Are you referring to that a man will not golddig because it shows his superiority as opposed to a woman who is inferior? I guess so, never thought about it. I think for Chinese couples living in the west, its about independence? Whether anyone has seen a BBC male push the pram whilst the mum works thats something Ive yet to see. No doubt common for some.

    39. Happybritishchinese, the BBC women who end up with oriental men often find them through university. I know of a young BBC woman studying to be a doctor. She's not yet fully qualified but already about to get married with a fellow student from Malaysia. I have never seen any opting for an FOB man. But then again, I can't imagine FOB men marrying BBC women either. Is this a culture thing where men have to be of good social standing, whereas women can marry into a status?

      For that, I have to assume that BBC men and women think differently too. The women perhaps feel they need to be with someone more equal to them, whereas BBC men find it fine to marry someone possibly dependent on him and less equal to him. SF.

    40. I know of a HK female overseas relative who studied and worked hard all her life, and is now the head mistress of a HK school; a respectful job and high status, and you know what the bhat-por gossip is? she aint got a bloke because she is too intelligent, i guess she may end up with a sympathetic oap white bloke. Women just can't win, she won't try the speed dating circuit, because saying she is a headmaster is a passion killer and conpromises her job that is supposedly has the moral high ground.

    41. @ Sor Jai Thats exactly it. Chinese women are so successful with career these days, they cannot find a guy to measure up. Intelligent - ie equating intelligence with being non-Chinese, or in the example you gave, white.

      @SF I have heard of a FOB male who married a BBC female. The guy is apparently la successful businessman. I dont know whether they met at Uni but they are both live in HK.

      TBH I think you are misinterpreting the context. I dont think all BBC males think they have to have someone who is dependent on them and less equal. Some BBC males, ( being brought up in the west) like their women to be independent and respect their women that way rather than a doting follower, it also depends on the individual.

      Re: the culture thing, yes maybe women can marry into status, but like sor jai's comment above, BBC women and also from what Ive read , many 'successful' single career women, cannot find a Chinese male to meet the imagined standards that the non-Chinese male has financially or otherwise. These same women end up with a non-Chinese because of the imagined 'status'that their non-Chinese partner has.

      In the west we are trained to believe we can have our cake and eat it which is why so much depression in the west, compared to the east, ultimately blood is thicker than water. In the long run, society, bricks and mortar, looks, money and all the rest of it is nice, but still secondary to a mutual understanding based on clarity and trust.

      Western values have corrupted Chinese values, and this is why we have what we have today (in the west). Hedonism can be a factor of the relationship but ultimately to build a strong foundation I cant imagine you would base it on hedonism alone.

  7. I just returned no not from the bigC u lang dohs... just a couple of drinks and tapas nimbles and 100% non-sexual bromancing lol, there was a halloween party close by, mostly or all chinese in halloween make-up and in panto costume, if i had on my sharp gear, and a few more JDs I would of plucked up the courage and asked them some the issues discussed here, the women unattached, fit and gorgeous, looking bored and on the lookout, alas.
    I dated a few BBCs, a Viet, and shock horror a mixed race, actually she was a really nice loving person. I meet the them purely by chance at education or at work when you just keep bumping into them, as if by fate it was meant to be. My first serious Gf was actually from China, but raised in the HK, she rinsed me off bigtime with the meals, cinema tickets, free car trips etc helpin to move flat etc, as blokes one can't help it, the lure of beautiful women, the helpless girly voice, makes you lose all rationality, she eventually f.. off to do a LSE masters and has now gone into serious business. There are also naive timid types, i ve steered away from partly because of the shallow conservation, as a BBC i don't get with some HKers because their music taste is diabolical, I guess i am an annoying cultural snob.
    HBC Your "possessive" streak is funny, it would f.. off me bigtime if the female concerned is someone I am attracted to, I ve been heartbroken and experienced rejection many times. If i was running a Hakka speed dating event, some of the expenses would be spent on designer toothpick holders, as Hakkas we love our tooth picking and loud throat clearing.

  8. The bigC u lang dohs ?

    Can you shed some light on what this is?

    1. Anonymous30 October 2012 02:38 referring to the Casino, national passtime for some of us tooth-picking, Walther PPK wielding, Hakka-family members. Just ask Chow Yun Fat.

  9. Just to deviate away from the subject, watch this

    Listen to the tone and cynicism of the BBC reporter. WHY are they here? They can't even speak the same language etc...

    compare and contrast this with western bands making headway onto foreign shores, eg. in the far east... they also can't speak the language - but we know why they're there. Because the fans love them.

    Maybe Alpa Patel has a bit of resentment, being of Indian origin, that "her" people aren't making the same headway globally as orientals.

    1. Shes whitewashed ethnic like Connie Huq and all these Asian white-licking twats that climb the white-centric ladder of British sinophobic media instutions

      Check out her reel

      In the 2nd part shes wearing a poppy. Imagine if that were a white-licking British Chinese female reporter wearing it. And this is the kind of representation some people call 'progress' for ethnics.

  10. what a great discussion, its a shame this blog is abandoned- its so gud!

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